The Home Birth Story of Bilal

Well, where do I start? I guess I should go way back to the day before my 30th birthday when I was rather apathetic about having children. My husband really wanted children so I figured we would someday but I knew I'd be happy with or without.

Now jump forward just a few hours to the morning of my 30th birthday. I woke up with one thing on my mind: procreation. From that morning on, I could not get it out of my mind. I NEEDED to be pregnant and I NEEDED it soon. It was not just psychological. It was physical. I'd see a woman nursing and my breasts would ache. I'd see a pregnant woman and I'd get all crampy. I was planning to see my husband, who lives overseas due to immigration problems, in May so I began to research how to best prepare my body for pregnancy. I meticulously charted each cycle so I knew exactly what signs my body gave when I was ovulating, I drank infusions of nourishing herbs and I studied home birth.

Now, jump again, this time to May 2000. I spent a wonderful month with my husband in Morocco and was overjoyed to say the least to learn upon my return to the States that I was pregnant. The first few months of pregnancy were fabulous, then not so fabulous when the morning (HA HA, ya right!) sickness kicked in. At about 20 weeks the constant nausea subsided along with the heat of one of the hottest Colorado summers on record, Al Hamdulillah. I was back to daily workouts and felt beautiful as my body took on the shape of pregnancy.

Weeks past and I felt good overall until the due date came. I am positive when I ovulated and conceived, although only Allah knows the truth. February 5 had been calculated for the approximate arrival of the lil critter, as we had taken to lovingly referring to him. All throughout my pregnancy, when asked my due date, I would respond, Early February or whenever the lil critter is ready. Once that date hit suddenly my firm rebellion against due dates crumbled to dust. Each day following that date I became more physically and emotionally exhausted.

Al Hamdulillah, my mother had arrived in late January, since I was sooo sure this baby was going to make an early appearance. Without her being here, I don't know what I would have done. But her early arrival also wrecked havoc with my well-laid plans. I was going to work until going into labor, have the birth of my dreams, then have mom around for at least another month to help out. Bilal taught me early on that I was no longer going to be able to schedule my life out in such detail J. The days passed, the weeks passed. It was only two weeks but it was the LONGEST two weeks of my life. Each morning I woke in tears because I was still pregnant.

At my 41-week visit, Sena, my midwife, and I discussed options and what would happen at 42 weeks. At my request, she gave me a list of natural helpers that could possibly, Allahu Alaam, help give my body a little push. As early as a few weeks prior I would not have dreamed of ever asking for this info let alone taking anything! But as each day passed I became more and more depressed. I was willing to do anything.short of hospitals and doctors to help this along. My days and nights were filled with prayer and dua. I began taking a mild regimen of late pregnancy herbs, went jogging, and quit work. Nothing seemed to be helping. Obviously it was not time but try as I might, I could not accept that. It FELT like it was time. On Sunday, Feb. 18 I decided that if nothing had happened by Monday morning, I was going to try to give one last push with a castor oil cocktail. The thought of it made me wretch, but again my emotional state was not good. I was getting so depressed and just wanted so bad to hold this baby in my arms.

I woke Monday morning still pregnant. I had spoken with Sena the night before about what the castor oil might, and might not do. At 42 weeks in my state, midwives are required to consult with a doctor for tests to ensure that the baby is in good shape. I had a huge fear that if I had to see a doctor, something was going to be wrong and I would not be able to have the birth I dreamed of. On the one hand, it would be reassuring to know that all was well because quite honestly, in my state of mind, I was beginning to doubt that things were A-OK. But on the other hand, even though the consulting doc would be someone she works with regularly and he is a supporter of home birth, he still represented the system that I so badly wanted to avoid. I would never put my desire for a particular birthing experience over the health of my child but that does not change my extreme emotional need to avoid any medical intervention.

At 10am I blended up a lovely concoction of OJ, frozen peaches, and 4 oz. of castor oil. UGH! It tasted fine but a fruit smoothie has no right to be oily. I felt a little queasy all day, not being able to forget that I drank a bottle of castor oil, but not much happened until 4pm. That was when the castor oil started to work. I started to have contractions rather frequently but they were no more intense than any I'd had for the last two months and they were not regular at all. Along with the contractions came lots and lots of miserable trips to the bathroom. I'd not been able to eat much all day but that did not stop my body from working in overdrive, UGH! Finally, at about 10:30 or so, I went to bed. The contractions had ended and I was more depressed, and queasy, than ever.

At 1:30am I woke to the familiar intestinal grumbling that Id been dealing with all evening and rolled to run to the loo. Upon rising up to get out of bed I felt a strange pop and a gush when I stood. Since I didn't get a chance to examine the fluid when I got to the toilet, and none had gotten on my pants, I doubted that it was anything but what my bowls had pushed out. I went to the kitchen and while I was getting a drink I had a small contraction that was followed by another gush of fluid. I let this hit my pants so I could see what came out and sure enough it was clear fluid tinged with a touch of blood.

I called Sena and let her know what had happened. We spoke briefly and planned to talk again the next morning when I woke up, unless something else happened in the night. I lay down to go to sleep but sleep was impossible. The contractions were getting more frequent, however not any stronger. I swapped sleeping places with my mom who was on the couch. I sensed that I'd be more comfortable if I could sit. I called my husband to let him know that things were finally starting to happen. We talked for a few minutes then I tried to get some sleep. It didn't work. By 3:00 I was calling Sena back to let her know that I thought it was time for her to come.

I took a hot shower and it felt so good. At this point I had to stop what I was doing to concentrate on my body. I knew from how the water felt running over me that the tub was going to feel even better. When I got out of the shower Mom asked if I wanted her to get the tub ready and I said no, don't ask me why. Fortunately it wasn't too long before Sena arrived and Mom asked me again if I wanted the tub. This time I said yes. As they worked to get the tub ready I sat on my knees leaning over the front of the couch. The contractions were strong and frequent. I couldn't wait to get in the tub and kept looking over my shoulder to see if it was ready. The minute it was, I was in the water. It felt so good to be surrounded by the warmth.

It was when I got into the water that time really began to fly by. I am guessing that it was about 4:00am, but I'm not sure. The water felt incredible and did take away some of the intensity of the contractions. I spent some time finding a position that was comfortable. I had imagined that I'd be most comfortable on my hands and knees, as I had been when out of the water, but found that lying back against the end of the tub with my legs stretched out was good. I stayed like this for most of the rest of labor, I think. I did move around the tub but stayed in pretty much the same position.

Each contraction grew in intensity and length. I had all kinds of things running through my mind during them. Epidurals. Hmmmm, I'll bet those are nice, I wonder if this would be better out of the water, Would another position be better? Relax! Open! Just a few more and my baby will be in my arms.

As soon as a contraction would end and I got a few minutes or seconds to rest I knew that I could easily make it through this and I'd remind myself that the baby that I had spent so many hours in prayer asking for would soon be in my arms.

During one resting period, which incidentally followed the first contraction during which I had an urge to push, I reached down inside my vagina and felt what I thought was a hairy head! THAT was so exciting! I wasn't sure however if this was what I was really feeling so I asked Sena if she would verify what I thought I felt. This was the only time that I was checked throughout labor and although I requested it and was invigorated to have the verification that, yes indeed it was a hairy head, it did break my flow a bit. I cannot imagine being in a laboring situation where I was being checked for dilation and progress regularly. I would not have done it differently however. Now I know what a head and a fully dilated cervix feel like for next time, insha Allah.

After that I put my energies into pushing. I no longer had any distracting thoughts of epidurals during contractions and was able to put all my energies into allowing my body to open up and release my baby into the water. I have no idea what time it was but it seemed like mere seconds until my baby was in my arms.

I do remember asking someone to support my perineum as the baby crowned. I remember reaching down repeatedly to feel his tiny hairy head opening me up. I remember squeezing my mothers hands through each contraction. I remember feeling his body move down the birth canal then back up again a few times that really took my breath away. Finally, I remember his head coming out quickly followed by his shoulders and entire body. What an incredible feeling!! It was as if I felt each and every contour of his body leaving mine.

I had wanted to catch my baby and I remember Sena telling everyone this just before he came out. But when the time came I could not pry my grip from my mothers hands to do it. It didn't matter though because the millisecond that he was out I reached for him and brought him to my chest. He was so beautiful! He stared at me with these deep dark enchanting eyes and, of course, I fell more deeply in love with him than I'd been before. He was covered in vernix which I didn't expect at 42 weeks. As I talked to him I massaged it into his skin.

My mother immediately called my husband so I could tell him that we had a baby. Khalid asked what we had and I didn't even know! I was so excited about simply giving birth and having this child in my arms that I didn't even think to look and see what it was. I lifted up the towel and saw that he was a boy. I made the call to prayer into the baby's right ear while his father listened on the phone. Khalid and I spoke for a couple of minutes and decided to talk later after the baby and I had settled a bit.

All throughout labor time lost its meaning to me. I know that from beginning to end it was about 6 hours but to me it seemed little over one hour. So Im not sure how long we stayed in the tub. When it was time to get out I tried to push the placenta out while standing to climb from the tub but it didn't want to budge. I think I remember Val (the assisting midwife) saying that it was right at my vaginal opening but didn't want to budge. We got out of the tub and comfortable on the couch. I pushed out the placenta soon after getting on the couch. We wrapped it up in a blue pad and tucked it back to deal with later. I chewed on a piece of date and rubbed a small portion of the chewed date on the baby's palate. It is the sunnah (tradition) to do this for newborns. He rooted around and found my breast then proceeded to do what he does best, nurse J. Sena did the newborn exam with him lying on my stomach the entire time. The only time he left my touch was when we weighed him (7lbs, 13 oz.) and even then he was only inches from me. I'm not sure how much time passed before we cut the cord, perhaps about an hour. Grandmother did the honors. The placenta was washed up and is being stored in my freezer for the day that the baby and I go back home to Iowa where we, along with Grandmother, will plant it along with a tree in the yard of the home I grew up in.



My blood pressure dropped some and I was getting a bit light headed so Sena gave me an herbal tincture, cant remember what was in it, and that seemed to help. I had two small tears and one larger one but nothing to get too worked up about. After a considerable amount of time on the couch I decided that I really wanted to pee. Kim (the apprentice midwife) had prepared an herbal bath for the baby and I and it was sounding really good. This gave Grandmother a chance to hold her grandson for the first time. I crawled into the bathroom since I really didn't feel much like standing to walk. What a sight! Sena was crawling in front of me talking to me and Val was behind me holding a blue pad over my bottom so I wouldn't drip any blood on the carpet. When I made it to the bathroom I was so exhausted! Im sure the fact that Id not eaten much on Monday while dealing with the castor oil contributed to my exhausted state. I got in the tub and sucked on some oxygen. That felt really really good. Mom brought the baby in to join me but he was not interested in a bath at all so we all headed back to the couch.

By now, the tub had been drained and put away and the couch was all made for the baby and I too get comfy. Kim fed me some soup while Grandmother dressed the baby. Once he was back with me and all was cleaned up, the midwives cleared out. I was sorry to have them go. Initially, I had planned to have an unassisted birth but for numerous reasons I decided that I wanted to have a midwife assisted birth. I cannot express how much their wisdom meant to me throughout the pregnancy and birth. Each and every person at the birth played a very important role and I cannot imagine what it would have been like with even one person missing. Im going to miss my visits with them!

I called Khalid again after everyone had left and we decided that the baby's name would be Abdu-Rahman Bilal Hannon Khattabi. Abdu-Rahman means servant of the Most Gracious God and Bilal was the first muezzin (one who makes the call to prayer) in Islam.

I've watched the video of the birth many times over since that day and I keep thinking I wish I could go back and do it all again, not because I would change anything but because it was the single most incredible thing I've ever experienced and I'd do it over and over again, exactly the same way. Now as I sit here and finish up this story I look at him sleeping peacefully on my lap. He is truly beautiful. He is such a gift. I think back to this time last year when I was praying for Allah to grant us a child. We had one month to conceive and it was made so. I relished pregnancy, with all its ups and downs. I had planned this dream birth, which I didn't think would play out so close to the dream, but it did. Now I have this truly beautiful child! How can I not be grateful! Allahu Akbar! God truly is Great!

 

 

 



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